Culture of Silence or Culture of Respect? The Choice is Yours
As I hear more and more top executives dealing with abusive owners, I wonder if this is an unchangeable reality of workplace cultures. We hear about billionaire owners who have built great enterprises, pledging to contribute significantly to the world through innovation, sustainability, creativity, accessibility, and many other commendable values. We, as outsiders, admire them for their achievements and the successful, profitable businesses they’ve built from scratch.
However, sometimes, as executive coaches, we hear about the damaging interactions that happen behind the scenes, especially among the next level of leadership—those who must pass down goals, plans, and the motivation to achieve results. These leaders often avoid confronting the owners or their representatives because they feel like mere soldiers in a system, where being labeled as complainers or confrontational might get them nowhere. The environment becomes one of silence.
According to Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler, if you don't "talk it out," you will "act it out." When leaders are abrasive or act like bullies, employees resort to silence, fearing the repercussions of speaking up. Yet, the cost of maintaining a culture of silence is immense. It stifles innovation, erodes trust, and fuels disengagement, ultimately impacting the organization’s productivity and morale. This should be a cause for concern for all of us.
I’ve observed that this frustration trickles down to the next level, passing it down further until a few leaders occasionally recognize the need to be a buffer, preventing their frustration from cascading through the organization. When those leaders share their experiences with me, I can't help but feel the urge to explode at the injustice of it all. We all need to acknowledge this feeling of injustice and work towards changing.
Silence takes root, leading to deep dissatisfaction and demotivation where there was once a passion for the job. It becomes a sense of hopelessness. Being a buffer often becomes detrimental to their health and well-being. In individual coaching sessions, we can only go so far—helping the leader find ways to regain satisfaction amidst a toxic work environment and find purpose in their role as a "buffer."
But while coaching can help individuals navigate these dynamics, organizations must take proactive steps to address toxic behavior at its root. This is where creating a "No Asshole Rule" can make a meaningful difference, setting the tone for a healthier workplace culture.
Creating a "No Asshole Rule" for a Healthy Workplace
Inspired by Robert I. Sutton's book The No Asshole Rule, many organizations have successfully implemented guidelines to prevent toxic behavior and create a respectful work culture. Here’s a simple guide to creating your own "No Asshole Rule":
Define What an "Asshole" Is: According to Sutton, an "asshole" is someone who consistently belittles others, creates a toxic environment, and drains the emotional energy of the team. Make sure to clearly define unacceptable behaviors in your workplace, such as rudeness, harassment, or undermining colleagues.
Establish Zero Tolerance: Make it clear that the organization will not tolerate toxic behavior, no matter the person's role or performance. This includes having the courage to promptly address problematic behavior, even from high performers or key leaders.
Promote a Culture of Respect: Encourage open communication, empathy, and collaboration as core values. Provide training and resources to help employees understand how to interact respectfully and resolve conflicts constructively.
Enforce the Rule Consistently: Create a process for reporting and addressing violations of the rule. This should include a fair and transparent method for investigating complaints and taking appropriate action. Remember, consistency in enforcement is key to the rule’s credibility.
Lead by Example: Leaders should model the behavior they expect from others. Demonstrate respect, empathy, and integrity in all interactions. This helps to set the tone and reinforce the importance of the "No Asshole Rule."
Highlight the Benefits: Remind employees that a respectful work environment boosts morale, productivity, and overall well-being. It’s not just about preventing bad behavior but creating a space where everyone feels valued and motivated.
I truly believe that as consultants, psychologists, and coaches, we need to do more to raise our clients' awareness of the effects of toxic, disrespectful behaviors that ultimately harm both individuals and organizations. It’s time for respect to be the foundation of work relationships. As leaders, we must find mature ways to express our frustration when dealing with low performance, challenges, or unmet results. We need to step up to create interactions based on mutual respect, starting by modeling behaviors that make workplaces great places to be.
As organizational psychologists, our role extends beyond supporting individual leaders. We must advocate for structural changes that foster positive cultures. By embracing a "No Asshole Rule" and encouraging open dialogue, we can help build workplaces where respect is the norm and where silence no longer comes at the cost of well-being and engagement.
Revised October 2024
Written by Annie-Mariel Arroyo, PH.D
Dr. Annie-Mariel Arroyo-Calixto is a practiced organizational psychologist with more than 28 years of professional experience in organizational change and leadership development. Dr. Arroyo is the founder of Culture To Fit, where for the past 22 years, she has helped leaders build or reshape their organizational culture and lead transformation. She is a seasoned leadership educator and a renowned executive coach known for her ability to guide leaders in gaining deeper insights and self-growth.
