Insights I Wish I Had at 28 for Handling Workplace Conflict

I’ve been reading Amy Gallo’s work on workplace conflict for some time now, and I have to say—I’m incredibly inspired. Her insights on handling workplace disagreements with clarity and emotional intelligence have helped me rethink how I approach conflicts – something I wish I had understood much earlier in my career. Two of her articles, How to Navigate Conflict with a Coworker and How to Master Conflict Resolution, published in Harvard Business Review, lay out practical strategies for dealing with difficult situations at work. She highlights the importance of perspective-taking, recognizing biases, avoiding adversarial thinking, and approaching conflicts with curiosity rather than defensiveness. These principles resonate deeply with me, especially as I reflect on my own evolution in handling conflict.

A Hard Lesson in Conflict

I haven’t always been great at managing conflict. In fact, I used to fight back—hard. Whenever I felt attacked, I would respond defensively, ready to prove my point. One of the most painful lessons I learned came when I was 28. During a meeting, my boss made an offensive comment. I was not present when the comment was made, but later, a colleague—visibly upset—confided in me about how inappropriate it was. Believing that open dialogue could solve anything, I addressed the issue in the next meeting. I calmly shared my concerns about how damaging those types of comments could be for the team.

His response? He threatened the person who had told me about it. And I exploded.

What started as a discussion quickly escalated into a heated argument—raised voices, curse words, a complete breakdown of professionalism. The following day, I quit.

It wasn’t just about that moment. I had witnessed my boss’s behavior before, seen how he treated my colleagues, and always felt affected by it. But when it happened to me, instead of rising above, I went even lower. It became a battle over who was right, who had the last word. And afterward, I wasn’t proud—I was ashamed. I had loved that job, my colleagues were fantastic, and yet, I had let my emotions take control.

A Different Perspective, A New Approach

My next boss was the complete opposite. He modeled a different way of handling conflict—one that didn’t involve emotional explosions, but strategic responses. From him, I started learning how to pick my battles and respond with intention rather than reaction.

But real change didn’t happen overnight. It was only when I started reading and reflecting on conflict resolution at a conceptual level that I truly learned to manage my reactions. Understanding my options from a knowledge-based perspective, rather than just instinct, made all the difference. Now, I’ve trained myself to pause and reflect before responding.

That’s where Amy Gallo’s four-step approach has been transformative. If I had known at 28 what I know now, I would have handled that situation with my former boss very differently. Looking back, applying her steps could have changed the entire course of that conflict.

Applying Amy Gallo’s Conflict Resolution Steps to My Experience

1. Try to See the Situation from the Other Person’s Perspective
   Instead of assuming my boss was just being deliberately toxic, I would have considered what was driving his behavior. I understand now that by addressing the issue in a group setting instead of speaking with him individually, I may have put him in a situation where he felt exposed and perceived it as a challenge to his authority. Additionally, since it was a sensitive topic—and this was during the early days of workplace sexual harassment policies—he might have felt that I was making a public accusation rather than raising a constructive concern. While this does not justify his reaction, recognizing this dynamic could have helped me approach the conversation differently.

2. Pinpoint What the Conflict Was Really About
   Past frustrations fueled my reaction, but the immediate conflict wasn’t just about me but also about team culture and respect. Instead of making it personal, I could have clarified that my concern was fostering a healthy work environment, not attacking him.

3. Determine My Primary Goal
   What did I truly want? I thought I wanted to contribute positively to our team dynamic, but in reality, I reacted as if I wanted revenge. If I had paused to reflect, I would have realized that my goal was to bring awareness to a toxic pattern and advocate for a better culture—not to "win" a fight.

4. Decide How to Proceed
   Since we had no HR team, I could have engaged other leaders in the organization to address the issue in a more structured way. Seeking support from those with influence might have led to a more productive discussion rather than a public confrontation that escalated into a heated argument.

Final Reflections

Reading Amy Gallo’s work and insights from other experts in this field has reinforced what I’ve learned through experience: conflict isn’t about proving a point—it’s about navigating difficult conversations with intention and emotional intelligence. I no longer see every conflict as a battle to win but as an opportunity to apply strategy, self-awareness, and patience.

Today, I teach leaders that conflict resolution is not just a valuable skill—it’s an essential one. Leaders who can manage conflict effectively contribute to a workplace where collaboration thrives, tensions are addressed constructively, and challenges become growth opportunities.

At Culture To Fit, we integrate conflict resolution as a core leadership skill in our Leadership Journeys, helping leaders build the self-awareness and strategies necessary to navigate complex workplace dynamics. Similarly, through Simplemente Leadership and our Virtual Leadership Academy in Spanish, we provide supervisors, managers, and leaders at all levels with foundational knowledge to reflect on their approach to conflict and practice strategies with intention and purpose.

If you're a leader looking to enhance your ability to handle conflict constructively without defensiveness or escalation, I invite you to explore these resources. Let’s move beyond reactive responses and start leading with clarity, strategy, and emotional intelligence.

Revised March 2025

Written by Annie-Mariel Arroyo, PH.D

Dr. Annie-Mariel Arroyo-Calixto is a practiced organizational psychologist with more than 28 years of professional experience in organizational change and leadership development. Dr. Arroyo is the founder of Culture To Fit, where for the past 22 years, she has helped leaders build or reshape their organizational culture and lead transformation. She is a seasoned leadership educator and a renowned executive coach known for her ability to guide leaders in gaining deeper insights and self-growth.